My ex - while having countless qualities that I truly loved - was also abusive. I'm positive that he isn't even aware of this. Even though I've said it to him numerous times, and provided him with examples. He lives in a bubble of his own creation where he is the good and noble King.
It wasn't every day. Or even once a week. From the beginning, it was only occasional negs, manipulation, emotional abuse, and lies all padded with such an intense desire, a passionate longing for me, laughter, fun, hot sex, and an attraction the likes of which I'd never experienced (and never expect to experience again). It was all designed to gain control over me.
And it worked. He became like a drug to me, someone I just couldn't get enough of.
The very first night I met him - as a client who'd booked me for sex - he assaulted me. He removed the condom several times, though I'd told him repeatedly not to. I didn't then, but I now call that what it is: rape. He was rough, even after I asked him not to be. And yet there was this undeniable spark between us.